Unfortunately, the way other people see us — “what will people say?” — often plays an important role in our lives. But how can we avoid being dependent on it? Here, the Desert Fathers have some sound advice to share.
St. Macarius the Egyptian is one of the most famous monks of the first monastic generation. He lived in the 4th century in the Scete Desert, west of the Nile Delta. He is credited with spiritual writings that are among the jewels of monastic literature.
Here's one of his answers to the question people so often asked him: “What must I do to be saved?”
Be as indifferent as the dead
One day, a brother came to Abba Macarius the Egyptian and said to him:
“Abba, say a word to me so that I may be saved.” And the old man said, “Go into the cemetery and insult the dead.” So the brother went there, insulted them, and threw stones at them. Then he returned to tell the old man, who answered, “Did they say anything to you?” He replied that they had not. The old man said to him, “Go back tomorrow and praise them.” So the brother went and praised them, saying, “Apostles, holy and righteous!” And he returned to the old man and said, “I have complimented them.” And the old man said to him, “Did they say nothing back to you?” The brother said no. The old man said to him, “You know what insults you have addressed to them, without their answering you, and what praises, without their speaking to you. So you too, if you want to be saved, become a dead man; and like the dead, take into account neither the scorn of men, nor their praises, and you will be able to be saved.”
Preventive advice
“Playing dead” is the response of the holy anchorite, who must have recognized in his interlocutor a serious inclination to pride, asking himself at every turn, “Do people think well of me?”
St. Macarius wanted to divert him from his over-dependence on the opinion of others. Spiritual writers often tell us, and it's true: “There is no humility without humiliation.” Learning not to react when others belittle us or think little of us is already a first step. Not listening with a complacent ear to compliments about ourselves is another.
But we're not always in such situations, and temptation often comes unexpectedly. We often give in to our evil inclination to pride before we realize what's happening to us. St. Macarius' advice is of the preventive kind: insulting the dead or showering them with praise has no direct effect. However, perhaps we'll think of their example when we’re tempted to react, imagining them perfectly indifferent to anything that can be said about them.
Let's not get carried away
Of course, there's no need to go to the cemetery. There are simpler versions of this exercise that can help us! For example, imagine we meet someone who doesn't like us very much. They mention an unpleasant situation in which we made fools of ourselves in front of everyone. Let's try to look on the bright side, laughing at ourselves instead of putting on an unkind face. Let's thank the person who brought it up -- perhaps without any real malice. Let's remember that the Lord allows this kind of incident to help us move forward, to detach ourselves from ourselves. We may not become virtuous right away, but we'll be readier for more skirmishes!
Since temptation comes unexpectedly and we're usually taken by surprise, let's get ahead of the temptation and prepare our defense in advance. In the majority of cases, this means “playing dead” and not reacting in the heat of the moment, as St. Macarius urges us to do.
