As we strive for honesty, transparency, and sincerity, the virtue of silence is easily overlooked. We often feel compelled to express every thought and opinion (whether online or not), believing that withholding our words is at odds with being truthful. There are times, however, when silence is not only polite or kind, but also prudent, charitable, and the right thing to do. As the old saying goes, “the greater part of conversation should consist of listening.” Measured speech is indeed rare – and valuable.
One of the most challenging situations in which we struggle with silence is during arguments. It is tempting to call each other names or insist on proving our point. But Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that “a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” In these heated moments, silence can serve as a powerful tool to de-escalate tension –and demonstrate love and respect for the other person. By choosing not to retaliate with harsh words, we “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39).
Silent saints
Moreover, the practice of silence can be a form of charity. St. Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower, emphasized the importance of small acts of kindness. She famously wrote that “without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count for nothing.”
Sometimes the most charitable act we can perform is to refrain from speaking words that might harm or discourage others. In doing so, we exercise self-control and humility, recognizing that our silence may be more loving than our words.
In discussions where we may be right, silence can also be a virtue. “There never was an angry man who thought his anger was unjust,” St. Francis de Sales once wrote. Often the desire to be right comes from pride. By choosing silence, we demonstrate a willingness to put harmony and peace ahead of personal vindication. This does not mean that we should never speak the truth, but rather that we should discern the right time and manner to do so, ensuring that our words build up rather than tear down.
In everyday interactions, silence can prevent misunderstandings and encourage thoughtful communication. James 1:19 wisely advises, “let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to be offended.” In short: Listening more and speaking less allows us to respond with greater empathy and understanding.
Silence is a powerful virtue consistent with the principles of prudence, charity, and love. By carefully choosing when to speak and when to remain silent, we can foster more loving and peaceful relationships. Let us strive to emulate the wisdom of the saints and Scripture and embrace silence as a gift that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.
